Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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