He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
