"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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