I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Life is so much better after having sex.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
my shit smells like andre
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
