I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
