so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
