Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
