So drunk its hurt
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
