I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I supernannyed him into submission
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
