Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize