she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
