She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
