Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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