I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
