The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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