I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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