We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
