Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
