You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
