you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
