Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
