I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize