Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
