Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
