I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize