You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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