Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
