I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
