The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
