id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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