Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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