i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
