New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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