I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize