yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
