I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
