I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
People in love make me want to vomit
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I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment