NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
