Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
