I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
