I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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