I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
