Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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