Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
