I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
