Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
