Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
