So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Randomize
