I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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