When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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