the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
