I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
