mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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