I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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