why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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