So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
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We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
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If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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