I am in a vortex of obligation.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
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