And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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