i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
