He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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