You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
