She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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