I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
