Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
farters have to be the big spoon...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
