i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
