My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
