My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
