Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
