I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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