Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
