Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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